Hottest Coffee Jokes

If asked, how do I take my

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife says, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband says, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.” Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.” Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.” So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: “Hebrews” (He Brews).

Coffee-HumorFour Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, “Your Grace.”

The third Catholic mother says, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Eminence.”

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, “Well?”

So she replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6′ 2”, hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, “Oh my God!”


A COFFEE PRAYER – Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks®: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of Juan Valdez forever. Amen


“I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning,” prescribed the doctor. “You gotta be kidding, doc,” I’ve been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee”.  


One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old granddaughter had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked, “Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?” Her granddaughter answered, “Like it says on TV, Grandma. ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.’

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Posted by on August 19, 2014 in Uncategorized



Disk Tea & Coffee2

Did you know?

Both the American Revolution and the infamous French Revolution were born in coffee houses. The American Revolution grew from roots planted by patriots in the Green Dragon (some say it was the Green Lion) Public House in the Lloyd’s District of London. The infamous French Revolution happened in 1789 when the Parisians, spurred on by Camille Desmoulins’s verbal campaign, took to the streets and two days later the Bastille fell, marking the overthrow of the French Government and changing France forever.The square mile

Did you know?

The word “tip” dates back to the old London coffeehouses. Conspicuously placed brass boxes etched with the inscription, “To Insure Promptness,” encouraged customers to pay for efficient service. The resulting acronym, TIP, has become a byword.

Coffee beans in the shape of a coffee cup. Stock Photo

Did you know?

We say coffee beans although they are really berries.

Did you know?

“Expresso is not a word; it comes from the same root as “express” as in “The Express Train.” The term is ESPRESSO. It comes from the Latinate root for “Press”, or “Under Pressure”. In many places if you order “expresso”, you will be politely ignored.


Did you know?

That if you like your espresso coffee sweet, you should use granulated sugar, which dissolves more quickly, rather than sugar cubes; white sugar rather than brown sugar or candy; and real sugar rather than sweeteners which alter the taste of the coffee.

Did you know?

Coffee in Kenya came from the Isle of Bourbon (Reunion) with the Roman Catholic missionaries as late as 1893.


Did you know?

The word ‘coffee’ was at one time a term for wine, but was later used to describe a black drink from berries of the coffee tree. This black drink replaced wine in many religious ceremonies because it kept the Mohammedans awake and alert during their nightly prayers, so they honored it with the name they had originally given to wine


Did you know?

Coffee beans are graded in various ways. Example: Kenya coffees are graded as A, B and C. AA is the best coffee. In Costa Rica, coffees are graded as Strictly Hard Bean, Good Hard Bean, Hard Bean, Medium Hard Bean, High Grown Atlantic, Medium Grown Atlantic, and Low Grown Atlantic. Those coffee beans from Colombia are labeled as “Supremo” “Excelso”, “Extra” and the lowest grade, “Pasilla”.


Did you know?

The requirements for making of good espresso is summarized by the 4 “M”s: Macinazione (the correct griinding of coffee blend), Miscela (coffee blend), Macchina (the espresso machine) and of course, Mano (barista).


Did you know?

Beethoven who was a coffee lover, was so particular about his coffee that he always counted 60 beans each cup when he prepared his brew.

Did you know?

The three biggest coffee drinkers in the world are the Americans, the French and the Germans. They consume some 65% of the total world’s consumption of coffee.


Did you know?

Coffee has been around for over 11 centuries and is currently the most widely consumed beverage in the world. Cappuccino has become the popular choice of exotic coffee lovers everywhere. This was not always so however.

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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Uncategorized


About Coffee; Making of Coffee, Part 2

Last time, we looked at harvesting and storage of coffee. Today we pick from where we left, and focus on Roasting and blending, and Brewing.

blends-coffee-logo4Roasting and Blending

There are different ways to blend coffee. The main differences have to be variance in acidity and taste. Essentially, the process of blending can be summarized as the act of balancing flavors in order to make a superior coffee blend. In a general note, most of the well known coffee blends contain around 5 to 7 types of coffee beans.

It is said that coffee roasting is one of the operations coffee lovers love to do by themselves. In a summary, roasting can be said as the process of balancing addition and reduction of aroma and flavors. The expected results are a dark brown coffee if perfectly roasted and black if not correctly done.

Modern technology has come up with varied ways of roasting, but all rely on the same old concept. This concept is to roast coffee bean to evenly flavorful state. The most popular roasting methods are Drum and Hot air roasting method.

Drum Roasting Method

In this method, machines roast the coffee beans in a rotating drum heated by gas. When it is done, the beans are removed to cool to prevent them from overcooking.


Hot Air Roasting Method

In this method, the beans are roasted on a hot air current.

Green coffee beans are mostly roasted at around 400 degrees Fahrenheit. After going through roasting process, coffee beans usually increase by half but concurrently losing considerable weight.

Mostly beans are roasted at home in an ordinary frying pan. Unfortunately, after roasting, coffee doesn’t keep the aroma for a long time. Therefore, don’t roast more coffee than you can finish in a week or two or you will be force to keep them in jars with well fitted lids in the freezer.



Brewing is one process of making you can either crown or break the final product. This is why even before describing the process, it is important we outline the rules to be observed.

  • Always keep the coffee maker clean, and thoroughly rinse it with hot water before brewing
  • If you work in an area with hard water or alkaline, once in a while run a strong solution of vinegar in order to clean out deposits of lime on the brewer and rinse thoroughly.
  • Always use fresh water, free from alkaline and impurities. Use filtered or bottles water for the best results.
  • If possible, brew with hot water rather than boiling or lukewarm water. The fact is, boiling water damages flavor as it vaporizes much of the coffee essence while it extracts other bitter chemicals. A temperature of 200 centigrade’s is good, which means boiling the water and then waiting for a couple of minutes to cool before the brewing.
  • Ensure you grind the coffee to the finest as it can get without losing any through the holes in the filter of the coffee maker. Remember; never grind to a powder form.
  • Use plenty of coffee, 2 level of tablespoons or at least 1 standard coffee measure per 12- ounce cup.
  • In drip and filter systems, avoid brewing less than the brewer’s full capacity. For instance if the pot is made to brew six cups, the coffee will taste if you brew the full six.

These are the most popular methods of brewing:-

Drip Brewing Method

Manual or electronic drip brewing produces better quality coffee by allowing near boiling water to slowly drip through the coffee grounds. Ensure that the water heats to 195 F, therefore a good quality home brewer capable of maintaining the required temperature. You can transfer the brewed coffee to a thermos. For convenience sake, you might consider investing in a high quality drip brewer that drips directly into a thermos.

Sack of coffee beans with french press

French Press Brewing Method

This method uses pressure and infusion to create what is mostly termed as “perfect cup of coffee”. In a plunger pot, place the appropriate amounts of coffee into the bottom of the baker and pour in just boiling water. Then allow the coffee to steep for at least 5 minutes – longer for an intense flavor – and throw coffee grounds to the bottom of the beakers.


Espresso Brewing Method

In a stovetop espresso maker, heater water is pushed through a filter containing finely grounded coffee. Afterwards, liquid is deposited into a different chamber where it is ready for consumption. The electric, home use espresso maker is similar to those found in most coffee shops. Hot water is pushed through the coffee grounds under very high pressure creating a heavy, more intense brew.


I hope you appreciate the process of making that cup of coffee you take regularly.

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Posted by on August 7, 2014 in Uncategorized


About Coffee; Making of Coffee you sit to sip a cup of coffee, what comes to your mind?

Most of us, we have no iota of an idea of how much goes to the process of harvesting and brewing coffee.

The truth is that behind that hot steaming cup of coffee, the coffee powder has gone thousands of hands, thousands of processes.

So why do I need to know all these?

Reading through this writing, I hope you will come to a better understanding and appreciation of what it takes to produce good coffee.



It all begins here. The way you harvest coffee, determines its quality.

Coffee fruits takes roughly 9 (nine) months to ripen. Dark cherry, is the color that shows that coffee fruit is ready for harvesting.

Half a Rose 042For regions north of the equator, this occurs between September and March, while in territories south of the equator, it happens in April and May. But, for countries around the Equator harvesting coffee fruit is all year round.

When the coffee ripens, it is picked with a small rake or hurled down with poles and in some areas is collected by hand. Although technology is proving to be more effective and efficient, the manual way is still preferred as it produces better product. A human hand does a better job; rightfully picking the most ripe fruit.

More than bringing hands together. Coffee harvesting brings family together. In most coffee growing populations, coffee harvesting is perceived as ‘family-get-together’ time. Every member of the family, from parents to the children is expected to participate. As a result, a lot of stories shaping their cultures have been told around coffee harvesting dates and events.

On average, families can collect between 100 and 200 pounds of coffee cherries daily.


Roasted coffee has relatively short shelf life. When properly stored, it can stay for two weeks.

Vital to note; it faces two great enemies namely, moisture and oxygen!

coffee-1To ensure you have the freshest coffee to brew, always buy as much coffee as you can finish when needed.

If you can’t consume all your coffee in 2 weeks, then you should keep it in a freezer. Coffee stored through freezing can last up to a month, or may be two. Preferably, store the coffee in a zip lock freezer bag to avoid any freezer odors.

Kindly note; Refrigeration is the worst form of coffee preservation. Don’t try to compromise its quality by storing in the fridge. The temperature is not cold enough to protect your coffee from going stale, and hence condensation will form – destroying the freshness of your coffee. Additionally, roasted coffee is an odor magnet; therefore your coffee is likely to pick up flavors and odors in the refrigerator.

On the next post, we check what really matters to most of us; roasting, blending and Brewing.

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Posted by on July 31, 2014 in Uncategorized


Can coffee help you live longer?

Drinking-Coffee-Can-Help-You-Live-Longer-According-To-A-Recent-StudyCan coffee help you live longer?

It is surprising when something that was once considered questionable for our health turns out to have health benefits. The only word of advice put to it been ‘take it in moderation’.

According to Harvard Medical School, drinking a cup of coffee can do more than perk you in the morning. It might help you add a day to your life! Researchers have found a strong association between coffee consumption and a lower risk of dying from heart diseases, diabetes, respiratory disease, and other related conditions (Harvard Health Letter September 2012).

The study conducted among more than 400,000 older women and men found that drinking two or more cups of coffee daily could be equated to a 15% reduction in deaths from all causes for women and a 10% reduction for women, in comparison to people who didn’t drink coffee.

When asked to comment on drinking coffee, Dr. Eric Rimm, associate professor of Epidemiology and nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health, He said ‘I think the evidence that coffee is a healthy beverage is pretty substantial now; it seems to be beneficial across the board’

ff4b2333d1a237715c4916efb9a06419There you have it from the professionals.

Feel Free. Feel Safe. Feel healthy. Enjoy your cup of coffee at Jumuia coffee house.

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Posted by on July 22, 2014 in Uncategorized


Perfect Joint Hang out Joint with your Buddies and Colleagues

Today, we are honored to host Sam Kingi @samwandoh a Journalist by training, Community Development Practitioner, Born Again Soldier, Pianist, and an awesome blogger ( He shares His experience at Jumuia Coffee House. Read and Enjoy…

Jumuia Coffee House is a lovely place where you can hang out with your buddies or your colleagues after long hours of work and review the day’s events as you grab a cup of coffee, or a piece of cake or even a plate of lip-smacking french fries. The sitting space is incredibly huge, you can chose to either unwind on the comfy couches or on the dining chairs. You can also chose to stay inside the restaurant or sit at the balcony overlooking the busy traffic on Kenyatta Avenue. My colleagues and I love chilling out at Jumuia Coffee House especially on Fridays.


By the way If you are looking for a perfect coffee spot for your date, JCH is the place for you. The features I have mentioned above coupled with the serene holy environment might have you get a YES from her even before you pop the hackneyed question, ‘will you…? Yes I mean it. Ooh plus you don’t have to worry about where to park whether you have a BMW, a Mercedes, a Range Sport, a vitz or even a probox the space is adequate for that.

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Posted by on July 14, 2014 in Uncategorized


Top Photographer at Jumuia Coffee

Renowned and celebrated wedding and events photographer Ben Kiruthi was at Jumuia Coffee. This is what He had to had to say

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Posted by on July 10, 2014 in Uncategorized


A cut above the rest


Everyone who loves Coffee knows what good coffee is made of; its taste, its smell, and of course where it is readily available – coffee house.

Every coffee enthusiast looks for something a little bit more in a coffee house. Indeed, a great coffee house is defined not just by the drinks it serves but by it’s cut above the rest!

A random ‘taste-to-sample’ round town will lead you to truly wonderful drinks but the same trip won’t leave you without a woeful experience. Your choice is key. Choices have consequences!

Right from on set, it is vital to say it is hard to pinpoint one thing that will make you walk to a coffee house then go back again and again. Rather, various factors play different roles to achieve that ‘all-round’ satisfied customer experience.
Looking for an ultimate coffee house experience. Here are tried-tested-true pointers:-

A great Selection of Coffee
I know, I have already said that it isn’t all about coffee, but truth be told, coffee is the reason why we are here. A great selection of coffee will make a coffee house stand out. No experience can match walking into a coffee house,  and be welcomed by a veritable cornucopia of coffee smells – from across the globe!

Jumuia Coffee is the home of café mocha, cappuccino, late, espresso, name it….

Friendly Staff
Key to any service sector business entity; friendly staff, is a make it or break it factor. However, when it comes to coffee house, expectations go a notch higher. You want to go in there and stay warm and comfortable, not just from drinks served but also service offered.

Jumuia Coffee assures you of excellent service delivered with passion.

Comfortable Seating
Home comfort is determined by the comfort of  seats.Ideally, coffee house ought be home away from home.

Jumuia coffee gives you a variety of spacious seating furniture and arrangement. Inside the restaurant you will get warm cosy leather sofas comfortable for relaxing moments. Near the counters, there are comfortable sturdy and upright seat, ideal for close range discussions. At the balcony, we have ‘lay back’ round table seats under shades.

All seats are ergonomically sensitive and hence good for your health.

The Best Coffee Makers
The saying goes ‘bad workman blames his tools’. You want great coffee, look for high quality coffee equipment.

Jumuai Coffee has confidently invested in Coffee solutions machines, known for their slogan ‘simply, great coffee’ and one trusted manufacturer of first class equipment, over years.

Great Décor
To say superb, is understatement, in describing Jumuia Coffee House Décor. The Décor is carefully weaved bring out the theme of post modern coffee house look and feel. The wall texture inside run an effect of a trafo tina decoration. The windows are colorfully done while the ceilings look great with broad large holdings and amazing light effects.

So, are you searching for exceptional coffee house experience?

Jumuia Coffee is the place of your choice.

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Posted by on July 1, 2014 in Uncategorized


Ideal Coffee Date Venue


Apart from its outstanding Gothic architectural design, All Saints Cathedral bore fruit to other beautiful buildings within and around its compound.

Like the one we are about to explore.

Here is the Jumuia coffee house.

Right next to the All Saints Cathedral main sanctuary is the trinity center which is a multipurpose center which caters for the different needs that church has to offer to its growing community.

One which picked our eye is the elegant Jumuia Coffee House which was formed under the umbrella of NCCK.

The space posses a post-modern look and feel right from the word go, above the ground floor is where the two meet, on one side it plays an artic, the other side plays just a regular room with no loads of stained glass windows which are not far off from 18th century design that we saw in the main sanctuary.

The wall texture inside the Jumuia runs a parallel effect of a trafo tina decorative paint, the ceiling next to it has been broaden by large holdings and light effects.

Right down stairs is the back loaf effect on the main restaurant area, the rest is a carefully weaved deco and furniture that plays both the contemporal and the classic.

So, when looking for ideal coffee date venue, then Jumuia Coffee, located inside All Saints Cathedral along Kenyatta Avenue, should definitely be your first choice.






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Posted by on June 26, 2014 in Uncategorized